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"The Menehune Mystery"

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Man, my original plan was to go through the four issues of Uncle Scrooge that were issued as one-shots before it became it's own line--until I realized that, in fact, it was only three one-shot issues.  "The Menehune Mystery" is the start of the line proper.  In retrospect, it seems apparent that I was confusing Uncle Scrooge with John Stanley's Tubby.  This is an unfortunate situation because it prevents me from making the brilliant observation that, of the four original stories, this is the only one that didn't receive a Ducktales adaptation.  'Cause it ain't true!  Bah!  Humbug, also.

Well, never mind.  But here's the thing: at some point in the past, I'm pretty sure I've complained about the fact that people on inducks are seemingly incapable of distinguishing between Romano Scarpa's good stories and bad ones, which could lead the inexperienced reader to incorrect conclusions about his overall oeuvre.  Of course, this is not much of a problem for Barks, inasmuch as he wrote very few stories which are not at least okay.  BUT THE FACT REMAINS: as of this writing, "The Menehune Mystery" is rated the twenty-fifth best Disney story EVER on inducks.  AND THE OTHER FACT REMAINS: it's a pretty darn shitty story.  Sorry if I'm trampling all over anyone's sacred cows (there's a bizarre mixed metaphor), but any reading even partially unclouded by nostalgia reveals that it's one of the worst things Barks ever did.  One of the reviews on inducks says: "When we were kids my cousins and brothers always selected this as the best of Uncle Scrooge stories in our solemn yearly Disney Comic Contest."  This makes me seriously conflicted, because on the one hand I love the shit out of the fact that they had a solemn yearly Disney Comic Contest, but on the other…man, I think the panel of judges may not have been wholly competent to carry out their assigned duties.

The funny thing is, I didn't read this as a small fry, and when I DID read it for the first time, I thought it was pretty cool.  We will get into the reasons for that and more a little bit hence, but the basic problem is quite simple.  This is the second big ol' Scrooge vs. Beagles outing.  In the first one…well, do I need to say any more about the first one?  It was an epic battle in which Scrooge's abilities were tested to the very limits, he comes desperately close to total failure, and only wins out due to a terrific effort of will.  Whereas in this one, he is totally, consistently ineffective throughout but wins anyway because magic elves.  Well, then.


The story makes a bad impression right from the start: this isn't the first time Scrooge has flat-out cheated his nephews (eg), but it's certainly the first time since Barks had put serious thought into what kind of a character he wanted Scrooge to be.  Sure, the "earned it square" business is frequently more than a little flexible, but to see it flouted so blatantly, so early on--man, I just don't like it.  It irks me, especially as it's totally unnecessary for the story that follows.  If we wanted, we could make a sour comment in which we rhetorically ask how different this kind of willing slavery is, really, from the kind the Beagles eventually inflict on the ducks.  That might be kind of interesting if the comparison were stressed in the story.  But as it stands, it's just something I made up, and it's not really very interesting at all.


If you're counting, that's five hundred quattuorvigintillion, if we trust the nomenclature here.  That's a mouthful.  The recurring sixteen cents are kind of interesting--someone should write a meta-ish story explaining that, if they haven't already.


Is Scrooge really suggesting that the penalty for opening one of his spinach cans is death?  This whole story just has something slightly off about it.  That bottom right panel is pretty funny, though.


And there's all this absolutely interminable shit about Scrooge's shipping plan and the robots actually being Beagles and blahdy fuckin' blah.  One can perhaps discern the embryonic traces of later, better, "Scrooge transports his money" stories, but what we get here just isn't interesting.


…particularly because they make all these clever plans, and they all turn out to be completely useless.  There's no point to any of them.  It's just making time.


So our heroes spend most of the story as slaves, until they're saved by a helpful deus ex machina.  The thing is, though, there is a certain appeal to this, which is why I liked it the first time I read it.  It's so shocking to see them so reduced, you can't help but identify and think MY GOSH THIS IS AWFUL WHAT WILL THEY DO?!?!?  As emotional appeals go, it's not very sophisticated, but it's effective in it's own crude way.  It's why I liked it when I first read it--and the appeal obscured the large and obvious problems with the story.  On rereading it, however, I couldn't help but bring my critical faculties to bear--which does not do it any favors.


…and the thing is, I think it actually couldwork.  It's surely interesting to see a situation in which, in contravention of the normal conventions, our heroes are suddenly denied all agency.  But the story never goes anywhere interesting beyond the bare premise (it ain't exactly Twelve Years a Slave, is it?), and I really, really think it's important for them to regain some measure of control at some point.  It never happens, though.  

I mean, a story where our heroes are imprisoned and then rescued by good faeries is essentially a faerie tale.  Only in a faerie tale, the protagonists would be saved because they helped the faeries or otherwise did something to demonstrate their exceptional virtue.  But that isn't the case here.  The ducks are only the good guys by default.  Of course, when it comes to real-world slavery, that doesn't matter--monstrous evils must be remedied.  But here, given the kind of story this is, that really doesn't work.  There has to be a positive reason to like them beyond the tautological "we like them because they're the heroes."


There are three escape attempts: 1) Scrooge tries to climb the mountain but gets caught in shrubbery; 2) Scrooge and Donald try to climb it but get sick from eating too much fruit; and C) they climb it but don't have a match.


These efforts are all just so bizarrely hapless.  it seems really, really obvious that Barks was totally on autopilot here.


…oh, and also, stuff with HDL trying to catch fish, which also seems incredibly pointless, save that it provides the opportunity for exposition, making the eventual menehune revelation marginally less weird.  The structure here is incredibly questionable at best.


Pretty flowers, though.  If nothing else--and there's really precious close to nothing else--"The Menehune Mystery" sure does look good.  As you may know, this story was written around the time that Barks married one Margaret Wynnfred Williams, and the idea for it was suggested by the future Garé Barks, who had grown up in Hawaii.  Probably one should avoid this sort of two-bit psychologizing, but it's just way too tempting here: it's common for creative people with unhappy personal lives to channel all their energy into their work; hence, you get stuff like "The Golden Helmet."  But then--when they're happy, and don't need an outlet--you get stuff like "The Menehune Mystery."  Does this theory hold up?  Probably not--if it did, we'd have to assume that Barks was miserable throughout most of his career--but it seems plausible that a rush of new love could've led him to take his foot off the gas a li'l with this one story.  Hell, if we wanted to really push it, we could suggest that the whole thing is a metaphor for how he was feeling about his life: buffeted around and abused by forces outside his control until--miraculously!--he's saved by what seems almost like a supernatural power.  A religious experience for the devoutly areligious Carl Barks.  Well hell, it's romantic, anyway, even if it doesn't do much to excuse the story.


I mean my gosh, even at the end here, when it seems like Scrooge could actually be taking charge a little bit--he doesn't.  He still needs to be rescued by Hawaiian spirits.  Bah.

However, to end on a positive note, I want to quote Geoffrey Blum (from the intro to this album, which does not appear to be indexed):

"Hawaiian Holiday" [Gladstone's alternate name for the story] suggests a more leisurely gestation [than Barks' usual MO]: it unfolds like one of Garé's landscape paintings, panning around the island, blocking in details of tropic fruit, fish, and foliage, and adding the fine brush strokes that bring everything to life: the hints of local color, the smattering of Hawaiian phrase, and the final gentle revelation of the menehunes. . . . His preceding Scrooge tale was a  cutthroat treasure hunt on the high seas; his next would be an excursion to Atlantis.  "Hideaway," like Beethoven's Fourth Symphony, is an interlude between two storm works: a sort of Hawaiian vacation.

I really appreciate this take, because I think it's valid, and it's an eloquent, charitable defense of the story--and, indeed, why not try to see the best in it?  It certainly tracks with what I wrote above about Barks' possible psychological state around the time of his marriage.  It doesn't change my overall opinion--I still think the story fatally flawed in terms of structure and character and more or less everything--but it provides me with a useful alternative hermeneutic, by which I can sorta kinda half-appreciate it nonetheless.


Don Rosa's artistic technique

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 So I saw this video of Rosa explicating his artistic technique, which I found very interesting.  Sure, I had had sort of a general idea of how he worked, but this makes it a lot more concrete.  It's a wonder he lasted as long as he did with such obsessive habits.  Of course, we all dig his style in any case, even if we probably wouldn't want every Disney artist to do it that way.  It makes him stand out, no question.  But is it the main factor in his enduring popularity?  It's an interesting thought experiment: what if his writing had been exactly the same, but his art had had a more fluid quality, like, eg, Daan Jippes or Marco Rota?  Would he still be packing conventions?


(And I didn't even realize until I wrote them down that I'd chosen artists to compare him to with whom he shares similar first and last names respectively.  Magic!)

Greetings from Sunny...Casablanca?

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Hi, no, we're not dead, nor have we abandoned the blog.  Some people know this from facebook or email, but the long and short of it is, we, along with more than a few other people, lost our job in Jakarta because of idiotic bureaucratic government bullshit that had nothing to do with us.  Point being: now I'm teaching in Morocco, of all damn places, and I'm still kind of getting settled in.  More Barks stuff ought to follow, as well as--for whatever percentage of the readership that cares--a new translation, if I can keep my motivation up.

There are definitely...ups and downs here, compared to my previous job.  One of the biggest ups, however, is the fact that you can buy French Disney comics just any ol' place.  Sure, I could buy Bahasa Indonesia comics in Jakarta, but given that my Bahasa never progressed beyond the ability to give terse, caveman-like instructions to taxi drivers, that really wasn't much good.  It's nice to be in a place where you can regularly read new Disney comics.  You know, since their birthplace seems to be a non-starter in that regard...

"The Hada House"

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Okay, so I've been shamefully negligent here of late: blame it partially on me having to adjust to new and frequently difficult circumstances, and partially to a rather disastrous computer meltdown (though I DID manage to save the files for my ongoing translation, to your undoubted relief). NEVERTHELESS, if you thought I was going to let a great holiday like Halloween get by me—HA! HA, I say!

So! Ready to do the time warp again? Today we are going to take a look at a little number by Marco Rota; Rota, of course, is responsible for my second-favorite Halloween story ever, (and even if it we ARE talking about a bit of a shallow bench, it really is great) and he's also written a number of other pretty great spooky stories (like thisand this,which Elaine says she finds too disturbing to be enjoyable, but which I think is pretty great) that I hope may see American publication with this exciting new IDW deal.


For now, however, we are stuck with “The Hada House.”

Okay, so that didn't exactly sound like a red-hot recommendation, but actually, there's something to be said for this one, if you adjust your expectations appropriately. Boy, THAT didn't sound like a recommendation either. I am NOT on a roll here. But...okay, better stop while I'm ahead.


To the extent that this story gets by, it does it on atmosphere. As with many Rota stories, plot isn't exactly a priority. This can be okay; “The Halloween Huckster” isn't plot-heavy, either. Sometimes it can just leave a story feeling aimless, though. But whatever else you want to say, this definitely looks good and puts you in the Halloween mood and also there's a reference to the old English rhyme that became a pretty solid Steeleye Span song and whether or not it's one hundred percent thematically appropriate, I WILL TAKE IT.


Seriously, man, the looming mansion, the oddly-tilted gargoyle, the silhouette inside—GOOD STUFF. If the story could stay at this level throughout, it would be one of the all-time best.


But, well, it can't, not quite. Once our hapless couple actually gets inside the mansion and is dealing with its cartoony inhabitants, things get less interesting, and the story never really does anything with the initial Rocky Horror inspiration, though I would assume that “Rafferty” is in reference to Riff Raff from the movie. You know, if they ever make a comic about his adventures, and it starts with self-contained stories but later moves on to continuity-driven episodes in a longer ongoing plot, you can watch Rafferty turn into a serial. Just sayin.'


Mostly, Donald just sort of pinballs around. It's not the greatest thing ever,but I'll admit that it has a certain aesthetic appeal. Hell, there are a fair few early Barks stories that are basically flimsy excuses for us to watch Donald get injured, so there's precedent.


We could do worse, is what I'm saying.


Yes! THIS is what we want from a Halloween story! It makes me forgive quite a lot of silliness. STAY FOREVER!


Yay!


Unfortunately, we inevitably come to the Big Reveal. I cannot say that I am transfigured by anger—I'm mellower than perhaps I once was, and I'm kinda used to such things anyway—but I would definitely say I am transfigured by slightly exasperated indulgence tinged with irritation at the inevitability of the whole thing. Is that something you can be transfigured by? Well, I am.


GRUMBLEGRUMBLEGRUMBLE. The other question is, what's with the sinister-looking cameraman in the lower right?


Of course, there's a bit of a kicker in the end; that too was inevitable. And don't think I don't appreciate it—it at least goes some little way to mitigate the lameness of the denouement—but it's not quite the spookiness I was hoping for.

Oh well—as sometimes happens when I pick through a story I'm not that enthusiastic about, I actually find that I like it somewhat more than I used to.

...but what's this? A gravestone, obscured by weeds and moss and spiderwebs? Let's carefully wipe them away, and...whoops, the flashlight is going out. Jiggle it to make it go fitfully on again. Okay, let's see...“Duck Comics Revue, 1857-1879?” WHAT?!? HOLY SHIT! THE BLOG WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME! DAH DAH DAH! AND WHAT'S THIS RUSTLING NOISE?!? AAAAHH! IT'S THE BLOG'S VENGEFUL SPIRIT! RUN AWAY!!!

...oh, wait, it was just a cat. PHEW.

A CAT WITH A BLOG-SHAPED SHADOW!

MUSICAL CRESCENDO, ROLL CREDITS

"Best Christmas"

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Hey, everyone.  Yes so obviously I’ve been an absent parent to this blog lately, but I swear to you, I have no intention of writing exclusively seasonal entries from now on (yeah, promises, promises).  I have been so busy lately, you wouldn’t believe.  Gah.  Still, hopefully I can make up for it just a bit with A Firestone Christmas, in which I cover the five Christmas stories that Barks wrote as giveaways for a tire company, of all things, every year from 1945 to 49.  Looking back, it seems kind of bizarre that Western had the guy whom they knew damn well was their best talent by a wide margin write so many stories for promotional giveaways.  Then again, your Strobls, your Murrys, your Mooreses, all did more of them than Barks ever did--it's just that theirs are justly forgotten.  Maybe all of them just had to put in their time in the salt mines.  AT ANY RATE, the advantage is ours. 

These may not be the all-time most sophisticated stories, but the first few WERE the first Christmas stories he ever wrote, and they definitely paved the way for the likes of “A Christmas for Shacktown” and “A Letter to Santa.”  But let’s not undersell them: they’re also fun in their own right.  I’m worried that these entries will be too short, but gimme a break—they’re eight-page stories, and while Barks is always Barks, they’re still not what you’d call massively thematically dense.  We work with what we have.  There’s a good overview of the five by Geoffrey Blum in this thing.  Maybe read that instead.


We begin with “Best Christmas,” from 1945, as our protagonists head out to “Grandma’s.”  You’d really think they would’ve called in advance, but maybe “Grandma” is too backwards to have a phone.  Sure, that’s it.


The main thing about this story is the way it crystallizes Barks’ warring impulses: the inbuilt resistance to excessive sentimentality, and the perceived need to nonetheless be “heartwarming.”  The above demonstrates the former to great effect; has Donald EVER been more bloodthirsty?

Also: GREAT JOB, colorist.  It looks like he’s throwing a ball of oobleck.


I always like the cart driver’s phlegmatic attitude as he inflicts violence on Donald.  The horse isn't too sure about this, though.



Could this be foreshadowing?!?  There MAY be a certain lack of subtlety here.


Also, the idealized poor-but-angelic moppets and their mother are, it must be admitted, pretty hard to take, and not JUST because they look like aliens.  Honestly, that’s even true in “Shacktown”—to which this is an obvious precursor—to an extent, but that is (of course) a much more sophisticated story, in addition to which, it has at least a patina of social realism—a sense that the poor people are part of a larger system.  Whereas here, it’s just one hundred percent obvious that their sole purpose is to impart a lesson.  Who can doubt that they blink out of existence as soon as the ducks leave?



NO CHRISTMAS FOR US.


The other problem—the more important problem, I should say—is Donald’s behavior here.  Barks had laid on his selfishness and obliviousness really, really thick, and for him, all of a sudden, to go from throwing a tantrum about not being able to swim around in candy (like a porpoise, one might say) to being totally reasonable about everything, with no indication of there having been anything to change his attitude, is enough to give the reader some mild whiplash.  Of course, it’s meant as a fake-out after the initial revelation, but it’s not a fake-out that in retrospect makes sense.   Barks' control of tone here was imperfect.



AAAAH!  IT’S “GRANDMA!”  I guess it’s not the comics’ fault; the “real” Grandma wasn’t in universal circulation at the time of this story.  It still throws me for a loop every time, though.  She certainly seems more active than the more familiar version.  Let’s pause a moment to ponder how duck comics would have been different had she been the one to become the default grandmother character.



WAY TO SPELL OUT THE MESSAGE, KIDS.  Also, if you hadn’t given the stuff away, you wouldn’t have come back, and you’d’ve found “Grandma’s” house as empty as the grave.  THEN what?!?

Still, the story DOES win points for ending on Donald’s smug insistence that everything is all thanks to HIM.  That at least goes a little way towards toning down the sappier side of the story.

"Santa's Stormy Visit"

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Look, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…well, okay, maybe I haven’t said it, but I’ve definitely thought it, dating back to when I was very small: it would be fun to work in a lighthouse.  A nice cozy space with a great view—what’s not to like?  Okay, so the reality would probably be less cool than my imaginings, but those imaginings are pretty darned nice.


This story’s kind of interesting for someone like me, who likes keeping track of stories where Santa is real versus ones where he’s not.  in that one.  This time the kids do believe in him, but they’re unambiguously wrong.  Ha!  I mean, unless you think Santa exerted his benevolent influence to make what happens happen.  Which is kind of an unusual theological idea, but we can’t rule it out!


In addition to everything else, this is notable as one of Barks’ first “pet” stories, where an unlikely animal saves the day and is welcomed into the ducks’ home.  This one is a big winner mostly because the albatross is just so goddamn adorable.



Even—or maybe especially—when it’s using its karate skills to smash the radio.  Look at it in the last panel, menacing the remains of its fallen foe.  You want some more of me?!?


Dramatic, and VERY reminiscent of the later story featuring everyone’s favorite frog, Catapult (I would’ve SWORN that I had written about that story, but apparently I’m actually just losing my mind.  That’s a relief).  It’s very good, especially for an early story like this.  No one else at Western could’ve drawn this kind of dramatic ocean scene.


The sailors are so good about everything.  Real Christmas cheer.  I like it a lot.  We can also probably see a bit of the Cuspidora story here.


Good scene of plenitude to end things, with Donald’s puzzlement to cap things off.  Barks clearly has things a bit more under control here than he did in “Best Christmas.”  It manages to be festive without being schmaltzy.  Of course, that’s in part because it’s a different kind of story, but what the hey!  Turkeys for all!  Though I feel like the coloring makes that one there look sort of gross…

"Three Good Little Ducks"

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And now, “Three Good Little Ducks,” and I will eat my hat if Barks was not being a little bit sarcastic with that title, mimicking that kind of goodie-two-shoes children’s narrative.  The story itself?  Well, it’s my favorite of the five.  I think it’s pretty much a winner in every respect.  Let’s see, shall we?


The classic dilemma.  I want to make note of the way Barks makes this rather talky bit dynamic by having HDL constantly shifting positions on and around the couch.  Seems simple, but it’s not something you’d get from just any ol’ comic artist.  Good stuff.


One reason I like this story is because I find the inadvertent assault on Donald really funny.  The incidents are relatively low-impact, but their obviously-contrived nature cracks me up every time.



…and capping it all off with pulling the garage down is just great.  He looks so overwhelmed, driving a car that's far too big for him.


It’s not just the comedy that I like, though; I’m not saying it’s super-profound or anything, but I think the family dynamic here is extremely well-observed.  Kids DO tend to see things in absolutes like this: they have mortally offended their uncle FOR ALL TIME, so off they go.  It’s actually a bit more childlike than HDL would typically be, but it works, and in spite of the brevity of the story, and despite the fact that you know perfectly well that things’ll be resolved quickly enough, it really brings home their desolation.


Of course, the opaqueness of Donald’s motivations is easy to see through, but that’s neither here nor there.  We see here an aspect of the character that we usually don’t: an adult who, being an adult, is endowed with a sense of perspective: HDL were obviously not as bad as they thought, obviously never in any danger of not getting presents, and their last-minutes bumbling was obviously never going to screw anything up, either.  It’s just that everything looms so large for kids that they weren’t able to see that.  To Donald, however, it’s so obvious as to go unstated.


Sure, the kids screwed up a bit, but fercrissake, they’re kids, and it’s really the most trivial thing in the world.  The ending’s a little sappy, but for my money, it falls on the right side of that equation, and I always like stories that show you Donald as a good parent.  That’s important, I think: sure, the rivalry aspect of their relationship is an evergreen subject for sundry japery, but that can’t be all there is.  In stories like this, we can see that it isn’t.

"Toyland"

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Well, if your goal in reading these Firestone stories is to examine Barks’ progress as a storyteller, it sure isn’t helpful that this fourth one had him just reworking someone else’s script.  Well, apparently—my understanding of just how this worked is a little hazy, but it’s hard not to think that if he’d been working on his own, he’d have felt compelled to come up with a narrative that was at least a little more sophisticated.  Though I suppose it would’ve been a welcome respite for him not to have to, for once. 


If nothing else, it’s interesting for how enthusiastically it throws over any notion of a realistic mimesis.  Sure, Santa may be real in “Letter to Santa,” but at least in that story he’s kind of magical and mysterious.  Whereas here, sure, fine, great, Santa sent us a letter!  Okay!  Why not!  This is the sort of thing that might happen!



As you can see, the story is really the most rudimentary sort of wish fulfillment.  Kids like toys.  What if they got to test a bunch of toys?  Well all right then.  I can certainly see the appeal for someone of a certain age, in spite of the fact that, pace Santa’s assertion here, toy taste has changed rather dramatically between then and now. 



The whole thing is plotless; just a bunch of somewhat anemic toy-based gags that, however, are at least somewhat enlivened by Barks’ visual panache.  I daresay there wouldn’t be much interest in this story as drawn by Dick Moores, say.



I mean…you can’t not like bits like this.  Just lookit that enthusiasm!


And then there’s this part, about which I just have no idea what to say.  Clearly, there’s SOMETHING going on about gender roles and assumptions, and that something could even be quite interesting from a gender-theory perspective, but it remains elusive to me.  Is it really nothing more than “ha ha, you’re a BOY but the GIRL’S toy spoke to you!?  Seems like a remarkably feeble joke.


I do like this li’l denouement, though.  It manages to be silly and somewhat sweet at once.  Makes me think of this Achewood.


And then there’s the ending, which, more than anything else in the story, you can easily imagine Barks having added on himself (I’ve no idea if it’s true—but you can easily imagine it).  The irony in the last panel may be heavy-handed, but the art largely redeems it.  That’s just a funny image, in the way it might not be as drawn by a lesser light.  A trivial story, but, thanks to that Barksian magic, far better than it might’ve been.

"New Toys"

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Merry Christmas!  I got you some “New Toys!”  And doesn’t that blandly descriptive title sound like a placeholder that someone forgot to switch out for something more evocative?

The thing about this story is, it displays a level of sophistication that the other four never came close to.  We’ve only got eight pages, but Barks uses this space with consummate skill to tell a relatively complex story with a lot more thematic resonance than he’d displayed previously.


‘Course, I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised—this is, after all, the same year that he wrote the masterful “Letter to Santa.”  And that’s apparent in this way, too: as in that story, here we see the really strange notion that Santa exists, but that “using” him is somehow optional.  Well…I guess I can’t say that definitively; Donald could just be playing along with the kids here.  In fact, that might possibly be the more rational explanation.  But given that that was DEFINITELY the case in “A Letter to Santa,” it seems plausible, or if not, TOO BAD, because I'm GOING with it.  Also, I'll CAPITALIZE ALL THE WORDS I WANT.  ANYWAY.


What I like most about this story is the way it deals with HDL’s Christmas wishes.  On the one hand, yes, wanting new things when the old ones are perfectly good does seem kind of obliviously greedy (though you’d think that, if they’re really limited to one thing each, they’d go for something new, rather than just a reprise of what they already have).


Barks is very good at making them seem unsympathetic in this regard.


…but it’s totally realistic, too, and, as Donald acknowledges, kids (and people in general, for that matter) want new things.  It’s just their nature, and it’s not helpful to pull the “starving kids in India” routine, because people’s desires are calibrated based on their circumstances.  Yes, we should try to have perspective—and HDL’s willful lack thereof isn’t exactly admirable—but it’s really not a sin, as long as it it's not taken to extremes.  As in “Three Good Little Ducks,” Donald comes across here as admirably reasonable.  Nice product placement, too.  Firestone certainly got their money’s worth with this one.

The printing I’m using here comes from a Gemstone issue of Donald Duck; I was about to write “if Gladstone had printed it, they probably would’ve changed the name of the toy store.”  Then I thought: wait—did Gladstone print it?  I should check.  So I did, and they did, and I was right:


(They also printed it in album form with the other Firestone stories; I’m pretty sure that preserves the original, but I don’t have it on-hand to check.)

Go me!  I suppose it doesn’t matter much, but even beyond the pure principle of the thing, I think it’s a lot more interesting to preserve the story’s original context.  And it's just kind of tiresome the way Gladstone habitually felt the need to do "updates" like this.


Again with the moppets!  I feel like they’re sort of a blunt instrument in Barks’ Christmas stories.  You WILL (WHAM) have (BONK) perspective (SMASH), dammit!


Said perspective with which the poor kids abruptly endow HDL isn’t contrived, though.  It’s an authentic and valid reaction, and in Barks’ hands, it comes through quite vividly.


This idea of Donald as enthusiastic amateur machinist, though, I dunno—I mean, obviously, I DO know: he got the tools so the Christmas story could resolve, so in that sense it’s really pretty elegant, and certainly his intense passing fancies have been the subject of many a subsequent story, but seriously, what’s he going to do with those tools that’s so fun?



While the way the narrative resolves itself is pretty great, that last panel is the one part, for my money, where Barks slips up a little—we get the picture; you don’t need to jam it down our throats quite that hard.

Still, in all the story’s a winner, and in relation to its predecessors, it bears real witness to Barks’ artistic growth.  Happy Holidays to all.

"Old Froggie Catapult"

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Great that IDW’s bringing back the classic comic books, eh?  All I really know about IDW is that Popeye miniseries they did some time back.  I didn’t think it was particularly good, but that’s mainly because they were trying so hard to mimic Segar, and I think Segar is probably the least imitable cartoonist ever.  Their heart was obviously very much in the right place, which bodes good things for the new line.  Anyway, let’s celebrate by wallowing in some Barks.

If I said this was Barks’ best “the ducks adopt an animal” story, I suppose I might get some disagreement, but I don’t imagine it would be very vehement.  What is there to dislike about this story?  That’s right: NOTHING.  Nothing at all.

This is the story that Gladstone dubbed “Old Froggie Catapult.”  I feel like there must be some specific cultural thing that’s being parodied there, but I’ve no idea what.  I do love, it however; I made exactly this joke on the disney comics message board a few years back, but I think it bears repeating: it sounds like the weirdest nickname EVER for a Civil War general.  Fantastic!



Really, an artist who was an ordinary human would not have been able to convey that sense of a bright, cozy abode in a cold, dark world.  But Carl sells the shit out of it, and even if this isn’t absolutely essential for the story to work, it definitely helps.


You can really feel Catapult’s relief at being able to escape the storm.  Another thing that I like: the fact that Donald is so  durn nice in this story.  And why shouldn’t he be, really?  No sort of bad temper or dumbess on his part is necessary to tell the story, so he might as well be pleasant.  It contributes a lot to the generally warm and welcoming feel of the story.


Nice transition, too.


SEE HERE’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.  Donald and the kids just chillaxing, being friendly, doing fun, normal family things.  That’s what I like.


Hey, did you know that, per google, the first time anyone on the internet has written the phrase “Hot Stove Hoppy” was just a few words ago, in this very sentence?  That’s HISTORY that you just witnessed, friends.  Actually, I think Hot Stove Hoppy is a pretty solid name.  I’d go for it, although it would inevitably be shortened to just “Hoppy.”  Donald’s fake-malicious expression is also a thing of which I am a fan.


“He’s the most!”  Love that; also love Shouty McBowtie’s efforts to whip up the whole town into a frenzy.  Great obscure trivia question: where was the frog-jumping state championship that was disrupted by a hurricane to be held?


People remark on the oddness of the way Barks’ “Island in the Sky” turned Duckburg into a futuristic Space City, but that’s just noticable because it’s so visually obvious; it’s not as though the place was ever other than malleable: as, for example, here we can see that frog jumping is the city’s most popular sport.  The biggest bargeload of people in Duckburg history!”  You’re really gonna tell me that’s any less implausible than spaceships?


…but there’s always some douchebag, isn’t there?  Yeah, stop booing, dude!  If we didn’t have this dumb storm to deal with, angrily heckling an animal would be fine, but since we’re stuck out here…


And of course the epic climax!  Sure, he’s kind of anthropomorphic, but he’s still frog-like, and you really feel the danger.  A fish like that (some kind of gar, I suppose?) would absolutely eat a frog, given half a chance.



…as would a heron.  What Catapult goes through is inspiring, and I only say that-half jokingly, because this is really one of the more amazing sequences in Barks’ catalogue.  I even like that last panel there, as you can feel the danger just easing off a little, and our hero able to relax.  Ah, Catapult.  If only you ever appeared again!


GREATEST HERO DUCKBURG EVER HAD.  Take THAT, Cornelius Coot!  ‘Sa helluva trophy.  Darn it, I DEMAND MORE CATAPULT.

Anyway, obviously a great story, and notice how I never until now mentioned how biologically nonsensical Catapult's reactions to cold are, and also isn't it interesting how, in a story about waterfowl who talk and live in houses, such things can still be noticeable, albeit not hugely remarkable?  From now on I’m going to do my damndest to write at least one entry here a month, to keep at least some  vestige of momentum.  Can momentum have a vestige?  I don’t see why not! 

RIP Chris Barat

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Terrible news.

There have been times when I’ve pondered, in an abstract way, the fact that many Disney-comics fellow travelers are considerably older than me and therefore at some point it was almost inevitable that I’d see something like the above—but I certainly never expected it so soon.  Far too soon.

Unfortunately, I never met Chris in person; I knew him exclusively through blog posts/comments.  I hope, therefore, that it won’t be considered presumptuous if I say that I considered him a friend—and, from all I could gather, an eminently decent human being.  As you may be aware, I can be a bit dogmatic about my politics; his were the opposite of mine, and in the ordinary course of online events I would tend to make ALL KINDS of assumptions about a person, few of them good, based on that.  But I simply could not do that with Chris.  Everything I ever saw from him put the lie to my Manichean worldview.  You can’t ask for much more than that.

His absence leaves a large hole in this community, as I will be reminded every time I read an IDW Disney comic, think “I should check to see what Chris thinks about this,” and then remember, oh yeah.  You will be missed, sir.

UPDATE: in his memory, you could do a lot worse than reading or rereading "The Great Paint Robbery," a...somewhat incoherent story that nonetheless benefits from some very nice art and, more to the point here, Chris's lively localization.

"The Winter of Their Dissed Kismet"

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So, in honor of our friend Chris, here is this Kari Korhonen short from 2001, for which he provided the localization, and before anything else I should note—and I mean this in the most positive way possible—that that title is truly one of the most gruesome puns I have ever encountered.  MY GOSH.



And fair’s fair, this script DOES sell this decidedly goofy premise to the extent that it’s capable of being sold.  Which is a limited extent, though one has to concede that the story hinging on supersition DOES dovetail, kinda, with that one Barks Junior Woodchucks story (“Bad Day for Troop A,” is it?) where whichever nephew is obsessed with the idea that they’re going to have BAD LUCK.  Seems Un-Woodchuck-ish no matter who’s doing it, though.  At least the script makes things a little better by semi-acknowledging this (“All this tryptophan…,” “I’m so punchy…”).

Also, since I know Chris was familiar with old, obscure non-Barks stuff: is it at all conceivable that that bit on the bottom left about fish being brainfood is a specific reference to this story?  I choose to believe it is so!


Chris was certainly a bigger Ducktales fan than me, and possibly than anyone else in the world; as others have pointed out, of the many things to regret about his passing, one of them is that he didn’t get to see this reboot of the show that they’re coming out with (though of course, the quality is still very much up in the air).  If you haven’t yet, it’s well worth checking out his retrospective he did a few years ago, which is a lot more thorough and less jaundiced than my nonsense.

ALL OF WHICH IS JUST BY WAY OF SAYING: “Quackaroonies.”  When I first saw this in “The Great Paint Robbery,” I was not aware that it was a Ducktales thing.  It adds a distinctive feel to the story, but—and I would have LOVED to have the chance to argue the point with him—I think it’s kind of jarring to see in a regular duck story like this; for better or worse, Ducktales had its own distinctive aesthetic, which reg’lar duck stories just don’t share.  Then again, I must concede that part of it’s just that I don’t really like the word in ANY context.  Compromise: “wakaroonies.” 


Anyway, a Littlest Chicakdees reference makes me happy—though it’s certainly a linguistic oddity I’ve never quite understood that they’re not just the Little Chickadees.  I’m aware that they’re often just the plain ol’ Chickadees, but I like some kind of diminutive modifier, to match the Woodchucks.


…just to note that this is certainly as much an allusion to the Ducktales episode “Too Much of a Gold Thing” as it is to the common phrase.  That works for me in its unobtrusiveness.  Writing about this story is maybe perhaps also appropriate given the recent New England blizzard.


And of course “webs” is another Ducktales thing.  Like, webbed feet.  As I believe I’ve noted previously, it just makes me think of spiders, but Chris was VERY much down with it.


I haven’t said much about the story itself, because—to reiterate—it’s pretty darn goofy.  But—to reiterate further—Chris sells it to the extent that it’s sellable.


That “rare phone book collection” looks to me like a Van-Horn-style thing, which I appreciate.  I think that Chris’s Van Horn enthusiasm helped ME to appreciate the man more, so that’s another plus.


Thing is, I kind of wish the story had doubled down on its “wish bones change the weather” premise.  Sure, it’s crazy, but at least crazy is interesting.  Whereas this whole “pulling the bone just happened to dovetail with natural, albeit bizarre, weather patterns…well, okay, when I say it like that, I guess I have to concede it’s crazy either way.  STILL, I don’t think we need something that even has the APPEARANCE of being a naturalistic explanation.

REALLY, though, there’s no point in getting all het up about it.  It’s a pretty trivial six-page story, and in that context it’s fine; nobody would think twice about it if Chris’s script didn’t make it better than it reasonably oughta be.

"The Voluntary Castaway"

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RIGHT.  You may or may not recall that I alluded a few times back in the fall to a new translation I was working on, but for then my computer died and even though I’d saved my work I was demotivated for whatever reason and nothing happened for a long time.  Finally, however, I managed to push through and finish the damn thing, and here it is.

Let it be stated that now that there’s a new US publisher, I certainly don’t plan on continuing to do things like this; I don’t want to step on anybody’s feet (and yes, I’m aware that the notion that I COULD step on anybody’s feet even if I wanted to bespeaks a certain narcissism), but I was working on this well before the new line was announced, and let’s face it, realistically, there’s still no chance in hell that a story like this would be localized.  Anyway, if this IS the end of my short happy localization career, it’s appropriate that I’m bookending it with another Bottaro/Chendi story.

Is this thing any GOOD?  Um…seriously, man, I have no idea.  You tell me.  There was initially a certain mystique to it inasmuch as it was the first digest story I read once I’d decided that importing French digests was a thing I’d do.  I remember being very confused because I was too dumb to figure out that “Filament” was the French name for Gyro’s helper.  Ah, memories.  There were a number of things I liked (and like) quite a lot about it, that seemed to me to differentiate it from most other stories, though I think the newness tended to magnify them somewhat.  It IS pretty weird structually, though. 


This is part of what I’m talking about: the story takes absolutely FOREVER to get started; one gets the impression that Bottaro and/or Chendi were trying to buy time as they figured out what the story was going to be about.  Hence, we get this business of the kids going off to Woodchucks camp and Donald getting and losing sundry jobs; you keep think it’s going to lead into something, but then it keeps NOT.


So we go from summer to winter (and WHAT was the point of that heatwave stuff?), and there’s this…


…which leads into this.  No indication of HOW Donald got this new job, but he DID.  Just accept it.  You surely MUST imagine, however, that we’re going to now segue into something where he has a book-salesman class.


NOPE.  This is the next panel.  Huh?  DISORIENTED.  Well, forget about it, class over, nothing to see here, move on.


Still, at least now the story’s getting into gear.  And if you think I’m just self-indulgently using these panels to reference other translations I’ve done…well, you’re not wrong, obviously, but let it be noted that the Marco Polo book was included in the original, or at least the French.


The story plays it coy as to whether this book is supposed to be Robinson Crusoe, Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island, or some mixture thereof.  The story deliberately calls attention to its similarities to both books at various times.


Even though it’s just a few panels, one of the things that really made an impression on me is Scrooge reading by candlelight while comfortably lying in his money.  I find it super charming.  When you think about it, it’s a little surprising that most authors don’t have him use it for a bed.  Maybe because the bed use would be seen as clashing with the “swimming pool” use?


So, right, we finally get to the main point, where Scrooge leaves a machine to secretly take his place while he travels off to find a deserted island to live on.  The story from hereon in is divided between Scrooge and Donald doing their things.  As I said, it’s an unusual structure; it’s certainly rare to see Scrooge off doing his thing without any kind of foil in Donald and/or HDL.


I really, really like “Scrooge on a deserted island.”  There’s something about it; I dunno.  It bears some similarities to Rosa’s rugged-individualist L&T stuff…


…with the notable difference that Scrooge is competent in Rosa’s stories, whereas here he’s really just a complete fuck-up.  He proves wholly incapable of surviving on his own on this island, and as we’ll see later, his Beagle problems just solve themselves with no help from him.  So why does this work better than “The Menehune Mystery?”  Because it’s not pitched as an adventure story in the way that that one is; it’s more or less meant to be kind of shaggy and goofy.  Or at least, it had BETTER be; otherwise, I may be wasting my life.


Back in Duckburg, the computer, which is malfunctioning due to Gyro’s helper being stuck inside, is doing this stuff.  I find it funny.  That is all.

[image]

[Right, for some FUCKING reason, I can't get what was supposed to be the above image to upload.  It's supposed to be a picture of Scrooge stumbling through a cave in the dark, and then when he gets to the end, there's a sign that says "sure hope you found the flashlight at the entrance!"  I'll see if I can make it upload later]


Another thing that should be noted: Bottaro and/or Chendi are very willing to do shit like this, that makes very little sense within the context of the story or real life or ANYTHING, just for a laugh.  Whether it’s actually hysterically funny…well, you can be the judge.


Here we have more pointless circling around, as Donald tries to take the kids to witness his success only to have them wander off and have to go back after them and…is it overly cynical of me to suggest that our authors may have been trying to stretch out what was fundamentally a one-part story into two for pecuniary reasons?  I’ll admit the cop’s commentary is a little funny, though.


I don’t really have much to say about my own writing here; I think it’s straighter than previous translations I’ve done.  But here’s one part I really like.  Pieces of eight…


…and “eight legs.”  BAM.  That’s all me, baby, although admittedly, my victory is somewhat attenuated by the fact that every image clearly indicates that this is one of those rare six-legged octopi.  Some people don’t like it when you say “octopi,” on the basis that it’s not really a Latin root.  I don’t care.  I’ll say “octopuses” if it means that much to you, or even "octopodes."  But I’ll also say octopi, and if you get overly pedantic about it, I’m MORE likely to say it, just to annoy you.  TAKE THAT!


The octopus irritatedly bonking Beagles and returning to its chest as it mutters to itself is quite charming, and characteristically Italian.


…and, as I said, the Beagles defeat themselves.  Maybe not the most rewarding denouement!



However, Scrooge crashing into a Binful of books is good fun for kids of all ages, no doubt.


…yeah, there’s no denying it: we end up with Psychopath Scrooge, so unfortunately familiar from many a Guido Martina story.  But, it could be worse, as we'll see.


For a long time, I thought that this was the actual ending; it’s certainly a familiar story-ending image.  Then, I looked at the page count and realized that the next few pages were also Bottaro, which I think distinctly improves the story.


I mean yes, okay, so this business with Scrooge literally enslaving Donald and Gyro here is maybe perhaps not anyone’s favorite thing ever…



…but this little reveal…


…is amusing, if maybe a bit predictable.


And this ending is made more cheerful than it might be, thanks to how happy Donald, Gyro, and the penguin look about the whole situation.  So, you know, could be worse.  And I've decided that I really DO like the story, in spite of its general idiosyncrasies.  So there.  Enjoy it in good health.

I’m not going to touch them here, but my translation also includes the six “bridge” pages written by a couple of also-rans.  I figured hey, it’s there, and Anglophone readers are CERTAINLY never going to get to see any of these bits of ephemeral nonsense through official channels, so what the hell.  Well, they will if they're able to find copies of the handful of British digests published in the early eighties, but what are the chances of that?  ANYWAY.  These segments, if you’re not familiar, were meant to sorta kinda link unrelated stories.  Sometimes they’re unspeakably strange and pointless and anticlimactic; this one, I’m afraid, is just unspeakably banal and pointless and anticlimactic.  But you may enjoy it anyway (SPOILER: you won’t enjoy it anyway).

"Black Wednesday"

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'CAUSE I'VE BEEN DOWN IN THIS WORLD, DOWN AND ALMOST BROKEN...too obscure? Well, I guess not in a world with google. Carry on.

OKAY, so my oath to write at least an entry a month died a laughably speedy death. Don't think it's because I don't care; I'm just busy, and also—this is probably the key point—my six-year-old Macbook abruptly gave up the ghost recently, meaning that for the time being I'm stuck on this cheap netbook, and seriously, preparing entries on this thing is NOT my idea of fun—it's like I'm trying to work while wearing mittens.

However, I really don't want to just let this blog lie fallow. Also, I received the following encouraging missive, courtesy of the stalwart Maciek Kur:


Like Wu-Tang, this blog is for the children, so I realized that the time had come for ACTION. What I really want to do is write about some of the new American comics, but it is NOT SO EASY for the overseas worker. We'll get there by and by, but for the time being, let us look at a story from 1959 that—I am pretty sure this is a true fact—is the onlyBarks story outside of some Woodchucks scripts to have NEVER been reprinted in comic-book form in the US.


Okay, first we have to establish the time here. “The third Wednesday after Red Monday?” What the heck is Red Monday? Googling reveals that this is how certain right-wing goons refer to Labor Day, but that is neither here nor there. If there's something really obvious it refers to, I'm not finding it, but according to wikipedia, the day of the outcome of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yates_v._United_States>this case was referred to by anti-communists as such. Does it seem like a stretch to think that Barks could actually have been referring to this? Yes, rather so, but hey, the timingworks out—the case was decided in 1957, the year before this story was created, per inducks. It's a bizarre notion (and even more bizarre that Red Wednesday should be seen as some kind of yearly commemoration), but let's go with it. The Monday moves around by year, of course, so it won't always be on the seventeenth; let's just assume the closest Monday to that date. In 1959, that'll be the fifteenth. So: I can now tell you that the action in this story—the first part, at least—takes place on July first. Unless Barks was basing it in 1958, the year he wrote it, in which case, the sixteenth. I deeply apologize for this mind-bogglingly tedious and pointless paragraph, but what's done is done.


Donald's on the case! Just 'cuz.  Note that with all municipal authorities on the run, this would be an excellent opportunity for some enterprising individuals to go all The Purge, if they cared to hang around.

Ominous stuff, really.  Sour milk?  Cracked eggs?  Certainly sounds like witchcraft...


...though it also sounds a little like radiation poisoning.  That's the thing, isn't it: you can't see it.  There are overtones here that remind one of “Donald Duck's Atom Bomb,” not the least of which is the hair loss business.

I like how Scrooge, the hard-headed rationalist, is angry that anyone would even considerthat this situation was caused by anything other than black magic.



...and a gun street girl was the cause of it all.

A part of Scrooge's history we do not see every day. I seem to recall that it was obliquely referenced in the last chapter of Rosa's L&T.


Very dubious overtones here, of European exploitation of Native Americans via poisons of various kinds. Let's just put whatever shit we have lying around in the tonic! We know they just like horrible-smelling things in general! What's the worst that could happen? And, I mean, could there possibly be any better colonial emblem than Scrooge trading them Industrial chemicals for a religious symbol? Crikey.



Counterpoint: the crazy story does not make sense.

As will be obvious by now, the depiction of the Chillyboots is really about as gruesome as these things get. Barks had his ups and downs with how he treated indigenous people, and this is a definite down. The worst thing about it is that it just seems so lazy--just all-in with the most obvious, lame stereotypes.

...in spite of which, however, I'm not sure it actually explains why the story hasn't seen more reprints. It's really hard to imagine that Western (or anyone) would've been alive to concerns of this nature, much less considered them ban-worthy. It's not like there isn't plenty of other questionable material that passed muster.



Gotta note that if this stuff grows hair on a turtle, it must be fucking around with it on a genetic level—ditto the old stuff that Scrooge sold, if there aren't currently kids who have hair. Once again, we're hitting (albeit inadvertently) some colonizer-vs-colonized stuff.



I mean jeez, man. The Chillyboots initially get fucked with by Scrooge, and now they're getting fucked with again. The fact that it was quasi-inadvertent in both cases doesn't seem super-relevant. It's just white people doing what white people do.

Stupid "scientists," always walking around like they're all smart and not believing climate change is a liberal conspiracy!  What jerks!  That mold must be vicious stuff if it's to blame for all this! The obvious question arises, however: if it was just Scrooge's money fumes all along (and doesn't he do his best to keep his money nice and clean?), then how did the Black Wednesday tradition get started in the first place? He wouldn't have opened up his bin if the people hadn't left town, and they wouldn't have left town if he hadn't opened up his bin. I'm trying to think of a logical solution, but it's not coming. Let's say he warned everybody of the alleged curse in advance, and that made them leave town (which he wouldn't have, because he gave the totem pole to the town, and he says that no one will listen to him when he says it's the cause of the problems): in that case, they wouldn't have observed the curse first-hand, so how would they know? And if they didn't all leave town, why would he have done it? Do we REALLY have to just assume that they're so unbelievably credulous that they assume this curse is a real thing without anyone having personally experienced it? Also, how come the fumes never seem to effect Scrooge himself, on Wednesday or any other day, which they really should, since he's breathing them all the time?

NITPICK NITPICK NITPICK. Yeah, well, it's what I do. In any event, though I don't think it is or should be a banning offense, this is certainly one of the weaker entries in the Barks canon. No one was missing much by not having it reprinted.

"Return to Duckburg Place"

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Hi, welcome back! Normal service resumes...now! Yeah, yeah, promises, promises. Still, this blog was getting awfully lonely, and it was high time for a little discussion of a teenage Don Rosa's unofficial Disney-comics debut, so here we are (it should be noted that there's a credited co-writer for this—anyone know who Ray Foushee is?). For a long time, this story was kind of legendary; there were a few pages online, but the whole thing—which has only ever been reprinted in some high-end Scandinavian collection or other—was tantalizingly out of reach. I first read it when a heroic poster name of Sigvald on the now-defunct Disney Comics Forum (Cacou? Olivier? Give us an update here!) just casually was all, oh, yeah, I have scans of that, and started emailing them to everyone. I put it up on mediafire, and the rest is history. Really boring history.

So what's the deal with this story? Well, it is what it is, and what it is is a little joint by a couple of smart-ass kids with senses of humor typical of smart-ass kids. Certainly not as clever as it thinks it is, but by and large charmingly juvenile, and interesting inasmuch as, satire or not, it's easy to see Rosa's love of Carl Barks and even the odd preview of what his work would later become. And the art isn't actually that bad; sure, it's a bit crude, but it more than does the job, and it becomes apparent that Rosa's facility with drawing ducks didn't just come out of nowhere with "Son of the Sun."  Plus, you get to see Rosa drawings of characters that he would never draw again. So let's look in, shall we?


(Why are some of these images so dark? I have no idea. The source images look normal. I had difficulty editing these, for some reason.)

So, yes: the genre of humor known as “seemingly wholesome kids' characters smoking pot” (“what if instead of Harry Potter, it was Harry Pothead?!?): hilarious to teenagers everywhere; for others of us...well, our mileage may vary. Still, that little speech in the bottom left makes it obvious that Rosa knows his Barks. They're really missing the boat here, though: no, they didn't get much material reward out of it, but all this globetrotting would easily make them the Most Interesting Kids on Campus. You can't put a price on that kind of social capital.


Okay, in order:

Goofy: “Poor old retard”...yeah, ouch. Did I say “charmingly juvenile?” Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't cross over into “cringe-inducingly juvenile” from time to time.

Daisy: I feel like we have here a precursor to Daisy as she was portrayed in the alternate universe in “The Duck Who Never Was.”

Grandma: Okay, to me, this is macabre enough to be funny. Provides the most disturbing possible answer to that old question “what's the difference in the duck universe between anthropomorphic and non-anthroporphic animals?” Also, who's that in the background? Why, it's Shamrock Bones! A pretty obscure reference, even more so for a story that was published in 1970.


Now we get to the other interesting thing in the story, which is the relationship between Donald and Scrooge. Interesting because, yeah, if you want, you can extrapolate this from Barks' stories. But here's the thing: it's actually a hell of a lot easier to extrapolate it from Rosa's “canonical” stories. Satire it may be, but it also points pretty clearly to Rosa's actual perspective on the relationship between the two characters, somewhat less so with Donald (who's typically portrayed more as dumb/hapless than anything else), but definitelywith Scrooge, who—I know I've belabored this point plenty in the past—is all-too-often a gigantic flaming asshole in Rosa's work.

You can also see here the kind of background details that he loved to put in his stories so.


ARGH WHY IS IT SO DARK?!? Looking up explosives in the JW Guidebook? Funny. This kind of generalized college revolutionary stuff definitely places the story, culturally ('course, naming the story in honor of Peyton Place doesn't hurt either).


I dunno; I just wanted to show this seminal picture of Gladstone's self-annihilation. Haven't we all wanted to see something like this at one point or another?


Okay, this one just cracks me up by virtue of being such a dopey pun. Rosa may not care much about the non-duck characters, but this story shows that he was perfectly aware of them. Can't say that rhyme scans very well, though.


Yup. I guess it's a kind of obvious joke, but still, Rosa drawing a Warner Brothers character: not something you see every day. Or any day other than this, really.

Here, Donald learns a valuable lesson: it's not about the money. Can't you see? It was neverabout the money! It's all about the mindless violence!

Seriously, I somehow find this conclusion highly satisfying. There are definitely times at the end of Rosa stories where I've kinda felt that Scrooge had something like this coming. And now, we get to enjoy it for real! Well, for some definition of “real.”

Well, that's about that. It may not be great art, but as li'l oddities in the past of a guy who would continue on to much more substantial work go, it ain't too bad. Not too bad at all. It is some extremely weak teathat apparently Fantagraphics isn't going to include the whole thing in their reprint series. Seriously, people, you people are building this up to be way more than it is with this phobic resistance to ever letting it officially see the light of day. You need to be bigger, brighter, and bolder! Sorry, that was a reference to the lame business English stuff I've been teaching. What the heck is wrong with me?

"Gigabeagle: King of the Robot Robbers"

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Hi, ev'rybody! It so happens that I've come into a big ol' stack o' IDW comics, so now we can delve into this material. I'm not going to try to write about EVERY story, because A) that sounds like a lot of work; and B) sometimes I just don't have that much to SAY about a story, and in those circumstances, when I try to force myself to write about it anyway, the results—as we've seen on a number of occasions—are not pretty (unless you don't know what I'm talking about, in which case, ho ho, a bad entry on the almighty Duck Comics Revue? An impossibility!). Still, it should provide a rich vein to work with. I'm trying to space out my reading here to some extent for savoring purposes, but so far I see no reason not to be HAPPY AS HELL with the line. Long may it reign!

SO, here we have the first story in the first IDW Disney comic: it's “Gigabeagle: King of the Robot Robbers,” a 1966 story drawn by Scarpa and written by Cimono. Reviews on inducks seem to indicate that Cimino was fond of doing stories about giant robots in this period, but I don't know nothin'' bout that.



So the story opens with this thing where Scrooge is having a nervous breakdown due to lack of Beagle attacks. It's the sort of thing that makes me roll my eyes a bit: the story kind of calling attention to the fact that Beagle attacks are a convention at this point. It's sort of like what Don Rosa liked to do with Scrooge's treasure hunts: oh, look, another one will happen 'cause that's just what you do! It feels contrived, is what it does.


Also worth noting is that this was written in the period where Scarpa was drawing these reallyoff-model ducks—HDL most obviously, but really all of them. I don't understand why he went from drawing normal-looking ducks to...this. His later art doesn't look like this either. Is it because Cavazzano was doing inks at this time? Can inking influence the artwork? Doesn't seem like it ought to, but I dunno. It's the same sort of artwork you see in that "Donald Fracas" story I translated. Has anyDisney artist had such radical shifts in art style throughout his career as Scarpa did?

Still, credit where it's due: the actual Gigabeagle is pretty darned cool-looking, especially viewed straight-on from the side like this. A very cubist sort of robot. Naturally, there are call-backs to Barks'
“Giant Robot Robbers” (in Jonathan Gray's English snappy English script, at least; presumably not in the original). This is edifying because, as I've argued elsewhere, the “robots” in the Barks story do not deserve that name: they have no individual autonomy ever; they're really closer to giant construction vehicles.  Being humanoid-shaped is not, in itself, enough to make a robot. Whereas in this story? Yup, that's definitely a robot. No question there.

Now look, the thing about this story that one cannot help noting is that the ducks are utterly useless: Gigabeagle defeats itself; they're really just helpless onlookers. It may not have been wise to emphasize this fact with that “even when I lose, I still win!” because it's easy to imagine the layreader seeing that and thinking, yeah—he wins just 'cause he's Scrooge. What the hell?

This is irksome, but the story kinda won me over anyway as an all-out piece of mockery of Scrooge for being so useless.


I love, for instance, this business with him ramming into a wall to try to come up with a plan.


...and I love even morethe fact that he does it again in an even more baroque way. But what I love most is that neither of these efforts results in any kind of plan. I like to imagine that he has tried this technique many times in many different situations and never once actually gotten anything out of it. It may just be the story making time, really (it's not like this actually has much to do with anything), but it's still one of the best things here.



In a similar vein, I enjoy Scrooge blowing himself up with his own landmine...


...and again...


...and blowing up the police as well.

This is all a lot of fun, though it really raises the question: how the hell did this guy become a multi-kabillionaire? He's completely useless. It's amusing in the context of this story, but it's not a well you would want to go to with any regularity. Scrooge passively winning through no virtue of his own is something that would get old pretty fast. I read a fair few Scrooge-vs-Beagles stories with this general tone when I was in Morocco, and this hyper-neurotic characterization of Scrooge is common, but generally he or his relatives at least do something positive that lets him triumph over Beagledom.


Whatever causes it, though, the End of Gigabeagle here is quite striking in a nightmarish kind of way. Scarpa's weird-ass character designs may actually end up benefiting the robot.


The ending's not too bad either. Donald's protestation there is something that we've all probably wanted to hear him shout at Scrooge after being unfairly blamed for one thing or another. And Scrooge ends up taking part of the blame! Well, as the nephew sez, kinda. I must admit, I don't one hundred percent understand what this blame-taking involves, but given the condition of his hat there, we can conclude that it involves some degree of getting mixed up in explosions.

So there you have it! Gigabeagle! A story that may well be entertaining more in spite of itself than anything else, but one that I was happy to read. Excelsior!

COMING SOON TO THIS BLOG

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It's a lot to write about, it turns out.

"Shellfish Motives"

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“Shellfish Motives!” An historical moment, as Scarpa's first turn in the driver's seat, from 1956, (original title: "Donald Duck and Shrimp Stew”—not tooeuphonious) is finally to be seen on US shores. I had previously read and enjoyed this story in French, but boy, having it in Jonathan Gray's sparkling English translation was a real joy.

First we'll talk about the character of Gideon McDuck, and then we'll talk about the story as a whole. Got it? Good.


Pretty gutsy of Scarpa to just straight-up give Scrooge a brother like it weren't no thang, right there in his first story. He conveys this giddy (whoa ho!), hyperactive atmosphere quite well.


Now we get to the crux of the biscuit. It should first be noted that whenever you see him refer to himself as a a McDuck, or talk about characteristics of McDucks or whatnot—that is all courtesy of that English script; it's nowhere in the original (okay, I guess I can technically only say it's nowhere in the French version, but I think that's a pretty straight translation). And it goes even farther than that: it may surprise you to know that in the original (I'm just going to say that, okay?), he doesn't even refer to Scrooge by name in the second panel; he just generically says that the siren is “an alarm to all the riffraff who infest the world.”

All of this really helps the story immeasurably; in the original Gideon really just comes off as Some Guy, and if someone told you he was related to Scrooge, you would probably just shrug and say, okay, if you say so—but so what? The two of them being brothers is more like a novelty than anything else; it's not something you really feel. Whereas this translation takes pains to draw attention to Gideon's McDuckness and parallels between the two characters while making their rivalry explicit.

This all is not wholly unproblematic, though: if Gideon is honest because he's a McDuck, and Scrooge is also honest because he's a McDuck, and yet the two are opposed to one another...well, you see the problem. For them to be at odds in any meaningful way, they have to be different to a substantial extent. Not that you couldn't square this circle with some deft character work, but...well, we will get to the story's vague, semi-effort to to just that a bit later, but suffice it to say, I do not find it even a tiny bit convincing.



Even though this story itself doesn't go very far with the concept, Gideon in theory actually makes a great rival for Scrooge. Unlike the usual suspects who go up against him, he's a good guy. Usually, when Scrooge needs some to serve as his conscience, there are his nephews, but Gideon could play that role in a more antagonistic way. The only problem here—which I have to imagine is the reason that he hasn't caught on as a character—is that it requires Scrooge to be portrayed as more evil then most readers, writers, or editors are likely comfortable with.

...it must be said, though, as much as I generally like the additions to the script, that “just like Scrooge” business is negated by the end of the very sentence. Because it's not true that his readership is equivalent to Scrooge's money, is it? It says it right there: “I've failed them.” He doesn't just want readers for their own sake, as Scrooge does money; if that were the case, he could just pander to them with sensationalistic, gutter-journalism stuff (as Donald accuses him of at the beginning; this may just be Donald being Donald, but it surely points to an alternate way that Gideon could have gone). He wants to inform readers. Sure, you can make parallels between him and Scrooge: they're both stubborn, obsessive, monomaniacal, &c—but this direct comparison just isn't gonna hold water, I'm afraid.

In any event, I would certainly be super-keen to see more of Gideon; flesh out his relationship with Scrooge a bit. Unfortunately, I am somewhat skeptical of the odds of that happening. Yes, he is, technically, a recurring character, but not recurring in the sense of Brigitta or Trudy, who have both appeared in hundreds of stories. Gideon has appeared in a total of fifteen, making him more akin to Atomo Bleep Bleep, and of these fifteen, only one other is actually written by Scarpa. The others are by people you likely haven't heard of (I hadn't), and while there's technically no reason, I guess, why they could not nonetheless have crafted some solid stories, well, there's probably some reason why they're not better-known. Don't hold your breath 'til you're blue in the face, is all I'm saying. My feeling is that Gideon's potential remains mostly potential.

Right, so let's move on to the story itself, for now. I must say...I guess I didn't remember it all that well, or maybe reading it in French impeded me from fully grasping it, but after absorbing the English version, I have to say: my goodness this story is a mess. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it, more or less—it has a lot of energy, and it's not (with notable exceptions) offensively stupid the way "The Last Balaboo" is—but boy, does it have issues. I suppose it just wouldn't have been appropriate if Scarpa's debut didn't feature some of his trademark nonsense, but man. He could definitely have done better, is all I'm saying.


So, the story: there's this mysterious foreign scientist guy whom Donald is supposed to tail, who ends up getting kidnapped by sinister forces. So far so good. It's kind of interesting because this sort of mystery plot would typically revolve around Mickey and friends.

(Sidenote: HOLY CRAP do I love the oblique reference to "Editor-in-Grief.")


So...look at the mastermind behind this kidnapping scheme. LOOK AT HIM. JUST DRINK HIM IN. Obviously, if you've read the story, you know perfectly well where I'm going with this, but it MERITS being gone there, dammit!


As far as this sequence where Donald falls asleep on the plane and ends up going back to Duckburg, I don't actually have a problem with the fact that planes in this world are like carnival rides, where you can get an extra one for free if you can somehow evade the minimum-wage employee's notice. That's easy enough to roll with. But as for the fact that, phew, crisis averted! It turns out the scientist was on the plane going back to Duckburg!...well, I guess it's not a plot hole so much as it is just an belief-beggaring coincidence, but it certainly doesn't helpanything. If you're going to get super-ridiculous, you should probably at least have the things that could easily make sense make sense. I think I've made that point elsewhere. But hey—Scarpa's gonna Scarpa!


Not to belabor the point, but notice the way one of these goons brains him with his gun and renders him unconscious. NOTICE IT!


There's also a lot of this stuff with Donald going to see other scientist to see whether they have anything to do with these here doings what are afoot. None of it leads anywhere. This really isn't surprising, and hell, possibly my favorite Scarpa story, “Mickey Mouse in the Delta Dimension,” features a lot of goofing off of this nature. It comes from Scarpa's love of Gottfredson serials, where there would be punchlines strewn all over because that's just how the daily strip worked. But here, it really feels inconsequential.

The actual investigation is carried out by the kids. Which is fine as far as it goes, but this part just drives me nuts: the essential, dispositive clue that they unearth is that when the dude was kidnapped, he was in a candy story, only he already had some of the candy he was buying, and therefore didn't “need” any more.


ARGH SHUT UP. Seriously, what are you, his mother? Who are YOU to say how much he “needed?” Much less present this as decisive, damning evidence of something or other?



To give Scarpa credit, if you look at the scene back in the first part of the guy being driven away, you can sorta kinda make out that he seems to be smiling. To not give him credit, why the heck is this supposed to be such a difficult thing for HDL to figure out? Seems like it would be pretty obvious, really. Also, I can make neither heads nor tails of “Mr. Mike's” line there. It's similarly inscrutable in the French version.



So why does Scrooge kill the lights and hightail it out when it's revealed that, DAH DAH DAH, he was involved with this whole scheme? Your guess is as good as mine. Seems melodramatic for its own sake.


...but yeah, then there's this. OH HO IT WAS ALL THE PLAN ALL ALONG. As a reminder, here's how those good ol' U.S. Federal Agents treated him during the kidnapping:


And here's the kindly, benevolent mastermind behind the whole scheme:


Yes. The guy cackling megalomaniacally to himself was actually on the professor's side the whole time! Who could've predicted it? NO ONE, because Scarpa DOES NOT PLAY FAIR, which to me is the worst thing. You can have plot twists as cockamamie as they come, and they can often be to some extent forgiveable, but when your “mystery” relies on LYING to readers in order to work, that's when I have to call bullshit. And perhaps the most galling thing is that the opening panel to the second part of the story features Mysterious Guy being mysterious. If he were just in the FIRST part, then you could at least give Scarpa the excuse that, oh, probably he just didn't KNOW what he was going to do in the second—but that's clearly not the case! He continues to BEG you to think that Unseen Dude is mysterious and sinister! Bugger this for a game of soldiers, is what I say. Would it have been possible to write the initial Mystery Man scene in such a way that it looks like they're unambiguously bad guys, but when you look back, you see that, knowing what you know now, there was reason to doubt? Sure, why not? But Scarpa did not go that route, to the story's detriment.


After that, I feel like complaining about small things on the outside may be gilding the lilly, but I can't help noting that this part confuses me as well. My impression was that the government agents left the ransom demand and then refused to accept it to throw the Gourmandian government off the scent. But now...I guess HDL are implying that it was actually some sort of ploy to get more stuff for the guy to experiment with? I have no idea what's going on.


Well, at any rate, we end on a happy note, with the brothers having reconciled over Scrooge turning out to be such a great guy. BUT WAIT: sure, in this one instance he turned out to be on the side of the angels, but are we supposed to have just forgotten that he's stilltrying to destroy independent journalism in Duckburg, and has been for years?

I'm not sure—because Scarpa, pretty clearly not having thought through these issues himself, is extremely vague—but I think the above might be the supposed solution to this mess. That is—I think it's saying something like “HA, Gideon just didn't realize that Scrooge was on his side the whole time, and if he'd just let his big bro help him out by buying his paper, he'd be able to continue to do all the hard-hitting investigative journalism he wants with no conflicts of interest—win-win situation!” In this interpretation, we're apparently genuinely meant to believe that Scrooge and all his holdings are always and forever above suspicion, such that Gideon would never have any legitimate need to investigate and get in his brother's way, an idea that does not pass the laugh test.

Well, you can imagine what I think of all that, and the answer is :“[unprintable].” And if you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that I have a pretty high threshold for what I consider printable. And even beyond the unfortunate political message there, it sure does take away all of the friction and therefore interest of the two characters' relationship. As I say, I'm just extrapolating; it's possible I'm just raging against something I made up, and looking mighty goofy doing it. And, as I said, even if I'm not, it's likely more the result of Scarpa not thinking things through than any conscious intent. Still—BAH.

(It's also, I should note, possible that the English script—as much as I like it!—is adding to the confusion a bit by emphasizing the rivalry in a way that the original didn't.  Making the story more interesting may have had the result of rendering it less coherent, not that I think it was very much so in any case.)

Man, I started by praising this story, and then I ended up kinda tearing it a new one, which I feel bad about. I certainly don't want to discourage IDW from printing significant material like this (I'm happy to see any and all Scarpa material, no matter how problematic), and I remain very glad that they did in this case, in spite of everything. Actually, there's kind of a divide in how I feel about it: the actual story—pretty badly flawed. But the character of Gideon, and the possible story paths he could open up—that just sets my mind on fire. His presence goes a good way towards pushing the story as a whole from a “no” to a “yes” for me. But goddamn, Scarpa sure does his utmost to undermine that good will. The man has been responsible for a whole lot of irritation and exasperation over the years, but I've gotta admit: Disney comics would be much less interesting without him. That's by no means a bad legacy to leave.

"The Mysterious Crystal Ball"

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Well, I'm sure thiswould be on the bottom of the list of IDW-published stories you'd expect me to write about, but for whatever reason, I just can't get the damn thing out of my head, so now you have to read about it. Specifically, you have to read about it because you will be bound to a chair with your eyelids propped open à la A Clockwork Orange until you do (and considering the nature of the story, that simile might be more apropos than you'd hope).  Sorry to have to tell you this at such short notice, but it's just the way it is.

Have I had my say about these Murry/Fallberg stories before on this blog? I certainly have elsewhere, but maybe not here. So: no one's going to try to claim that there weren't plenty of dire stories published during Western's run—stuff that was just thoroughly broken in terms of plotting, character, and artwork. And yet, however bad they might have been, nobody could ever come remotely close to these Murry/Fallberg Mickey Mouse serials that ran in the back of WDC in terms of just being unfathomably, coma-inducingly boring. Good lord. To say they're more boring is not exactly to says that they're worse than other bad stories—they are, after all, mostly competently assembled, for what they are. But a story that is bad on every level can nonetheless be entertaining,in a batshit way. Not much of that with these stories. Some time back I did my best to read some that Gladstone I had reprinted, but after grinding my way through two or three of them, I just gave up. It was brutal.

I find it genuinely peculiar that these stories still get reprinted, even at a modest rate. Boom did one, and now here's IDW. I am aware, from the letters columns in old Gladstone comics, that these things have fans, and even that, as alien as the idea may seem, some of them actually prefer them to Gottfredson (for the sake of my own sanity, I must conclude that this is all down to nostalgia, an undeniably powerful force—but really, people, I liked some bad shit when I was small too; the best thing in that case is to keep it in the past, and let the warm fuzzies do their thing—don't try to pretend it actually holds up). However, that doesn't really answer the question of why it's reprinted; my understanding is that IDW wants to attract newreaders, and I fail to see how old nonsense like this is going to accomplish that task. Personally, I actually doappreciate it, but that is one hundred percent for historical reasons, and hell, I'll buy any durn thing. I guess I can understand it, kind of, if it's just a stop-gap measure to buy time while better stories can be translated, but even then, fercryinoutloud, give us some Bill Wright, who may not have been a geniusbut whose work definitely holds up better than this.

All that said, it is, at any rate, clear why Boom and IDW chose the stories they did from this milieu to reprint: from the former we got “The Lens Hunters” which, taking place in Africa, at least has some visual interest with all the megafauna and whatnot; and from the latter, we get, well, this. It has one somewhat interesting character and—spoiler alert!—it's enragingly dumb enough to obviate a lot of the boredom. Whether that's actually a good thing is left up to reader discretion.


Here's the cover, with art by Jonathan Gray. I do find it quite interesting that IDW is generating new artwork for these old, obscure stories that one never would've imagined getting such treatment. Here, Gray really butches things up—it's impossible to imagine Paul Murry drawing an actually-sinister-looking villain like this one, and more generally, it makes the story look a whole lot more exciting than it actually is. Which is a bit of an indictment, really: if you have to strain to try to convince prospective buyers that the story is other than what it is, well, maybe you should choose a different story. Still, it's pretty nice for what it is. The best thing about the story, I daresay.

Anyway, as we open, la la la, a carefree day at the carnival! What could be nicer?


…you seem fun.

You know, Mickey's (or Donald's) reaction to a fortune teller is likely to involve some degree of skepticism, but boy, I tell you, only only Paul Murry could imbue the character with this sort of pinched, George-F-Will-esque peevishness. It's not a good look, to put it mildly. But then again, maybe I shouldn't complain, because when he's not moaning about fortune tellers, he come across as a staid, middle-aged, Eisenhower Republican; which, you can readily understand, may be where a lot of the boredom comes from.


'Course, another problem—perhaps ironically, given the characterization of the hero—may be that these stories are so relentlessly, overwhelmingly childish. This is something that afflicts a lot of non-Barks/Gottfredson Western material, sure, but never so much as in these stories. There's never any real sense of stakes, or menace, or anything. Do these villains seem anything approaching menacing to you? Or, really, interesting in any way? And, certainly, Murry's art exacerbates the problem. It's not that he's incompetent, exactly—he's actually a pretty steadily-reliable draughtsman—but his aesthetic is pretty much the exact opposite of what you're looking for to tell a Thrilling Tale of Adventure. Or a Mysterious Tale of Mystery, as the case may be. The core story here—they trick Mickey into thinking he's psychic so that they can later pull off a scam by diverting him with a false “vision”—isn't bad, and could have developed into an interesting story, but boy oh boy does it not develop into an interesting story.


In fairness, I have to admit that that cat is a somewhat striking image. The only one in the story, but hey, take what's given to you.

The best thing in this story—really, the only thing that gives it any life at all, albeit in an only semi-intentional way—is ol' Shamrock Bones here. Only wait...are we sure this is Shamrock Bones? Not that I'm an expert on the character, but this doesn't one hundred percent look like him. Well, according to inducks, it's not; in fact, it's the much-beloved “Shamrock Bones from WDC 164.” I'm not sure that this sort of taxonomy is particularly meaningful, but there you go. Anyway, whatever you want to call him, he keeps popping up and acting weird. I genuinely cannot tell how seriously we're supposed to take his Holmesianly-specific “deductions,” all of which come from nowhere (also, you have to admit, “Holmesianly” is a pretty solid adverb). You'd think he was just supposed to be a crazy person, especially given that these deductions have nothing to do with the actual facts of the case, but no one ever acknowledges this or anything. I frankly suspect that Fallberg didn't really have a clear idea (and it's not the only think in this story he doesn't have clear idea about, either), but regardless, he's amusing in his off-kilter way.


Just popping up like this—I certainly hope I'm not the only one whose first thought on seeing this was “aaaah! Gene Parmesan!” At any rate, that's what I'm going to call him from now on. I certainly hope you all get the reference.



So is it unsporting of me to talk about the ways in which this whole clever scheme makes no sense? Well, too bad. Here, for starters, is this. Okay! So we'll get Mickey to believe he has mystical powers so that he'll call the cops and tell them, hey! Zoo riot about to break out! and they'll all swarm over there, leaving no police around to stop us from robbing the bank! Only...it's not actually a trick. There's going to be an actual zoo riot, thanks to this dude and his iron-bar-melting, non-toxic-to-gorillas acid. So, in that case...why the whole baroque thing with Mickey in the first place? Presumably, the cops would go there anyway when the actual thing broke out. So is it just so he'll warn them in advance and they'll get there like five minutes earlier, giving the criminals that little bit of extra time for the robbery? Not so's you'd notice, given that they haven't even started when Mickey shows up, which is well after they'd gotten there.



Including this whole acid subplot seems completely pointless—the plan would've gone on just as well without him. I think the guy looks so depressed because he realizes he's in a wholly superfluous role in a story that is going from bad to worse.


And let's talk about our putative hero's role, shall we? One thing I've complained about in these Fallberg/Murry joints is that it often seems to be the case that Mickey is a very passive hero—he doesn't do much to solve the mystery, foil the villains, &c. The solving/foiling just seems to happen in his general vicinity. Happily, IDW has given me the perfect story to exemplify this trend.

Right, so most of the story is given over to Mickey being tricked with this whole “psychic powers” thing; nothing to see there. But how does he ultimately figure things out and save the day? Well, in the above image, we can see that he realizes that there was something wrong with his “vision” and goes to check it out. Okay, fine. And what is the result of that?


He gets tied up and tossed in a van, is the result, with a stunned look on his face (way to not even make the feeblest of efforts at resisting in any way, guy). How's he going to get out and stop the baddies' fiendish scheme?



Uh, he's not. Gene Parmesan is gonna stop them by riding up out of nowhere and using his magic pipe to envelop them in smoke (which, don't get me wrong, is kind of amusing in and of itself, but we're focusing on Mickey's actions here).


Here; this seems to be the entirety of the constructive action Mickey takes in this story—and it ain't much. Presumably, The Third Scoundrel would've been apprehended even without Mickey's jujitsu. Wait, how did he escape from being tied up? I mean granted, immediately escaping is pretty much what all heroes, in Disney comics and elsewhere, just dowhen tied up, but you have to at least show a panel or two of him rubbing up against a sharp object or something. You can't just provide zero explanation like this. Also, if the two thugs were knocked out by the collision and/or the smoke, how come Mickey wasn't affected? Or is the idea that it wasn't the collision and/or the smoke, but rather the magically-escaped Mickey beating them into unconsciousness? Hmmm.

Point being: Mickey Mouse: comically ineffectual. And not a good, human-foibles-revealing sort of ineffectualness that Donald is sometimes subject to. Hell, not even an intentional ineffectualness. What exactly is supposed to be even a tiny bit appealing about this iteration of the character? I am not asking in bad faith; I genuinely want to know. It's completely mystifying to me.



STOP TALKING ALL AT ONCE I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK.

All right, so O'Hara line is fine, as far as it goes. I could cavil by noting that there didn't seem to be any witnesses to the dastardly deed, but that's small beans for this story. Apparently, at some point—after the cops shooed him away—a zookeeper came up to them to reveal the true story. Let's go with that.

As for Gene Parmesan: okay, so just how exactly did he know what this truck looked like or where it were or that there was any truck to look like in the first place? Are we just to assume that the would-be saboteur, apropos of nothing, spilled the beans? In fairness, he doeslook so depressed that it's easy to imagine him doing it without much prompting. Still, it would be nice if Fallberg had included, oh, anything to tell us that this is what happened! I'm really just assuming, and you know what thatdoes to u and me. The grim truth is, I've obviously thought far more about this story than its writer ever did.

And as for you,Mickey, cut out this pathetic “an aaah hay-elpped!” nonsense. You contributed nothingto the proceedings, and I think even you must be aware of that on some level.

So THAT'S IT. “The Mysterious Crystal Ball.” Read it at your peril. I realize that at some point this entry essentially turned into the Monty Python “Mosquito Hunting” sketch, and that it may come across as a bit gratuitous: is a hatchet job of this sort really necessaryfor a story this insignificant? I...don't really have an answer to that, except that sometimes you just have to get something off your chest. I will say, though, that it isn't nitpicking. Here's what nitpicking would look like: Hey! There's no such thing as an acid that would eat through metal yet not harm a gorilla when ingested! This is so dumb! HAW HAW HAW! Yes, I briefly alluded to this above, because you must admit, it's pretty silly, but I didn't dwell on it because ultimately, it's immaterial. It doesn't meaningfully affect my enjoyment of the story. Nitpicking. Whereas the stuff I have been dwelling on consists of very fundamental, structural flaws. Yes, it's trivial in the sense that it's a sixty-year-old story that was never meant to be anything but wholly disposable, but man, there wouldn't be much to say if I kept things in perspective like that. And in any case, somebody figured it would be a good idea for it to be reprinted and for me to pay four dollars to read it, so I figure since the story itself ain't fer beans, I should be allowed to get my money's worth by amusing myself (and, who knows, maybe someone else too!) by reducing it to its component molecules. Hopefully next time we'll see something a li'l more positive.

"Reform and Void"

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Okay, HAPPY HALLOWEEN. Sorry to not have something more appropriate for today, but frankly, I think I've covered about all of the seasonal stories of much note that are available in English. There are a few that haven'tbeen published in English that I'd like to get to (Elaine knows the ones), but my hope is that I'll be able to do them when IDW publishes them, AS THEY'D BE CRAZY NOT TO.

So apparently, sometime in the nineties, somebody who was working on the Mickey Mouse newspaper strip (Floyd Norman, I believe) convinced the syndicate to let them go back to doing serials, after a forty-odd year break. I KNOW I read an article on this somewhere.

At any rate, this happened. FINE, the syndicate said. You can HAVE you stupid serials. But NO LONGER THAN THREE WEEKS. We can't have total anarchy here. So there you go. Since these newspaper stories were never reprinted anywhere—you'd have to find a newspaper that had carried the strip and comb through their microfiche if you wanted to find them—so they had a certain mystique. Someone—I think it was Mathias DeRider of the possibly-defunct Review or Die
(who hopefully hasn't chosen the latter option)—was absolutely obsessed with the idea of seeing these things reprinted. Well, HERE ONE IS. In IDW's third issue! And...no one seems to really have paid it much heed. Well, I say that, but thinking about it, I'm not really sure where I'd expect that “heed” to come from. Joe Torcivia makes note of it here.

But regardless of who may or may not be paying attention, it is truly cool to see something so rare be reprinted! It's drawn by the late Rick Hoover, who did art for various Disney-published comics in the early nineties, and written by Colette Bezio. Who?  Thisis who—she benefits from having an extremely googleable name.


As for the story itself, it features the return of Professors Ecks and Doublex from “Blaggard Castle.” Well, they already had returned—but not in the US, let alone in newspaper form! Or at least, that's what I was going to say, but inducks reveals that they had already been in post-Gottfredson newspaper strips, including a few written by Bezio. And yet, this one indicates that it's meant to be the first time Mickey is meeting the professors since the original story. The chronology here seems screwy. I suppose we can just call this a prequel to those earlier follow-ups—though it kind of neuters whatever suspense there may have been in their alleged reformedness (okay, so there was never actually any suspense—but more on that later).

And what happened to the legendary Professor Triplex? Well, that's for me to not know and you to not find out. Best guess is that it was just considered unworkable to have three separate guest characters all at once in the confines of the newspaper real estate of the nineties (which was of course much more limited than what Gottfredson had to work with). But looking on inducks, I can see that this isn't the first time the third professor has been excluded, so maybe there's more to it. This seems like a bit of a stretch, but perhaps some editors somewhere were skittish about the possible porny overtones of the name.


Anyway, we get some gag strips of the professors helping, or “helping,” Mickey. It's all decent fun—I really enjoy them insulting his cooking there—and Hoover renders them well. Obviously, the restraints of the modern-day comics page—and those imposed by the syndicate—precluded any sort of really epic storyline, but if you had been an old-school fan seeing these in the paper when they first came out, I think it is fair to say that you would have been well chuffed.


In this segment, though, Mickey certainly doesn't get any points for his ostentatiously rude attitude. I mean, I know this is just doing the MICKEY IS ADVENTUROUS thing, where writers feel compelled to go HOLY SHIT MICKEY IS ADVENTUROUS; HE IS SO FUCKING ADVENTUROUS THAT IF YOUR FEEBLE MIND WERE CAPABLE OF GRASPING THE FULL ADVENTUROUS EXTENT OF HIS ADVENTUROUSNESS IT WOULD JUST TURN IN ON ITSELF AND SELF-DESTRUCT CREATING A CHAIN REACTION THAT WOULD DEVOUR ALL MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE FROM SHEER DISBELIEF THAT THIS LEVEL OF ADVENTUROUSNESS CAN EXIST. DID I SAY “ADVENTUROUS” YET? In fairness, this started with Gottfredson himself; everyone else is just following his lead. And yet, it has always seemed clumsy and forced to me. Show don't tell, guys. Or at least make the telling a little subtler.

At any rate, the point is that here that aesthetic has led to our hero behaving rather dickishly. He's just trying to show you a fun time, dude. You could try to seem at least a little appreciative.


Aww. I mean, seriously, aww. Don't you just want to give them a big ol' hug? They come across as genuinely likable here, which is kind of too bad, given what we know is going to happen...

Note also that for a story created in such a constrained space, there's quite a good level of detail here.  Good on Hoover.


Aw, that's fun! And even in-character for the professors, if you remember then playing “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush” post-reform in “Blaggard Castle!”


...and yes, well. I must admit, there were a few brief fleeting moments when I thought that maybe this wasn't an inevitability, but, of course, it was. I am not one hundred percent certain whether the “cleaning ray” they had in the beginning is meant to have been foreshadowing (they mention a “dry cleaning ray” a few panels after this, but is that the same thing?); still, I choose to believe it was. Well done there. It's too bad, though, and not just for the reasons I'm about to get into, but also because Ecks and Doublex are so darned likable before this happens. But I think there's a very large extent to which a writer—any writer; I'm not just picking on Bezio here—would, in a case like this, simply be unable to conceptualize what the point of the story could possibly be if the former villains don't revert to villainousness. There may be a certain collective failure of imagination here.

Now...we could easily get very deep into the weeds here, but it's probably fair to say that there has never been a major Disney-comics character who has not at some point had his or her personality altered by hypnosis or being bashed on the head or some dern thing or other. And in all of this, no one ever seems to be aware that this is a heavy philosophical question: if you're—for instance—“bad” and your brain gets scrambled so you become “good,” are you nonetheless still in some foundational, bedrock sense “bad?” Anyone writing a story relying on this trope is, however consciously, putting forth an argument—and that argument is pretty much invariably “yes, you still are bad. No one can truly change.” Yes, of course, there's an obvious reason for this that has nothing to do with philosophy: pragmatically, you can't just go around permanently changing regular characters' polarity willy nilly. Maybe that bespeaks a certain fundamental conservatism in the genre (paging Dorfman and Mattelart).

This is especially noticeable with the professors, because at the end of “Blaggard Castle,” Gottfredson argued: yes, they are permanently changed (yes, no doubt he felt free to do this in part because he wasn't thinking of them as repeat players, but I like to think it still bespeaks an admirable level of humaneness)—while every single future writer to use the characters has shouted in unison NO THEY'RE NOT (in all fairness, I don't actually know that this is the case, not having read every single thing they've appeared in, but I'd bet dollars to dalmatians that it is). So in this case, it's not just a matter of returning to the status quo as established by Gottfredson; it's actively overturning it, and even if the reason is more a matter of “these guys make fun villains” than anything deeper, it still sends the message it sends. It's not a position I agree with, and I find the inevitability of something like this denouement kind of depressing. Still, given how totally expected it is, I suppose I can't ding the story too much for it—for being what it was never not going to be.


And...the bad guys lose due to zero effort on the good guys' parts. Look, I understand the exigencies of working in this format, but regardless of the context, there's nothing that's going to make this non-lame. I'm also disturbed that—with this and “The Mysterious Crystal Ball”—the apparent theme of this issue is “Mickey is useless and engages in no meaningful action.”

Still, this isn't really an adventure story, so the lack of action on the protagonist's part doesn't really hurt it like it does the other, and, in spite of my philosophical differences, I would be all set to label this story a trivial but amusing oddity. Unfortunately, I find I can't really say that after its remarkably mean-spirited ending, which makes the whole thing kinda turn to ash in my mouth:


So...we are aware that—unless you're in solitary confinement, a deeply cruel punishment that literally drives people insane—prison isn't a medieval-dungeon-like place where you are allowed no entertainment, right? This doesn't seem like terribly esoteric knowledge, even if it is what you believe when you're eight years old. You can almost certainly read and write and play sports and, yes, videogames, too.  At the very least, shouldn't we all have some idea of this from the many times the Beagles have used skills gained in prison for villainous purposes?

Of course, you can point to plenty of stories that end with the villains unhappily behind bars that certainly look like they have nothing to do except rot away. But there is a very big differencebetween those and a story that goes out of its wayto say “haw haw—they thought they were so smart that they were going to have FUN in prison, like those stoopid librulswant [unwarrantedly political?—well, maybe, but a large part of why this bothers me is the way it resonates with the philosophy of the “tough on crime” crowd], but we MADE SURE they'd get the full punishment they deserve! Stupid criminals not so smart after all!”


Just LOOK at those goddamn vapidly-smiling faces in the last panel.  LOOK AT THEM.


 LOOK:


AAAAAHHH!

That is literally the stuff of nightmares for me—our genial, authoritarian Officer Friendly and his like-minded crony taking delight in crushing their victims—and expecting the audience to be complicitin this delight. This is not a light in which I enjoy seeing these characters, to put it mildly. You know, I'm probably loading more symbolic weight on this sucker than it can really bear, but the fact that Gottfredson's story ends with the bad guys turned good, whereas this one ends with the alleged good guys revealing their true nature and being imprisoned in this sadistic way as punishment—well, it's noticeable, is all I'll say about that.

LET IT BE NOTED, however, that, in spite of everything, I would be extremely interested to see more reprints of these latterday MM serials. I just hope they turn out to be a bit less, uh, problematic.
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